Thursday, January 22, 2009

Hey, Ho, Where To Go, Club Gitmo

OK, so I took a bit of literary license from Rush Limbaugh and by association, The Pretenders. If either wishes to sue, I'll gladly take donations. Heck, if Bill Clinton can have a supporter-funded defense fund, so can I. I just can't guarantee a tax deduction, sorry.

The Obama administration wasted no time in issuing its first decree, that being the termination of the terrible treatment administered by the U.S. to detainees at Guantanamo Bay. I still prefer the descriptive term "terrorists", but I'm not the new sheriff in town. That guy - the new sheriff, that is - is intent on closing down the facility in a blatant attempt to appease either the Middle East or Europe, I can't decide which at the moment. The point is, Obama has no idea where these cretins will end up or if he does, he hasn't spilled the beans as yet. Some other congress-types have begun to weigh in already, though.

John marines-are-cold-blooded-murderers Murtha said that he would be delighted to take the inmates into his district in Pennsylvania, a district that has only a minimum security prison. Murtha thinks that the Gitmo-guys are no more dangerous in Pennsylvania than they are in Cuba. While I understand that the congressman is doing nothing more than begging for a new prison construction project (see pork) for his district, the statement itself is ludicrous.

I have reflected on this conundrum for at least fifteen minutes. My first idea was to send the 250 or so inmates from Guantanamo to East Los Angeles. It would be humane and the new arrivals would be right at home in such warm climes. Lord knows we wouldn't want them to be uncomfortable, but I must admit that part of my thought process involved the possibility of an escape leading to a bunch of hard-core terrorists trying to sneak through the streets of East LA at night, avoiding the authorities, only to inadvertently smear a freshly painted Blood or Crip signature on a bridge abutment.

I scrapped that idea on the fear that either group might recruit the other. The only qualifier would have been if the San Andreas Fault finally screamed its last gasp hours after the transfer. But I've never been one to leave things to chance. So I searched for perhaps another exhausting ten minutes for the perfect place, within the U.S., to house the newly homeless terrorists, and I think I've found just the place; Snag Airport in Yukon, Alaska.

Perhaps the perfect place, Snag would bring the mistreated marauders into the American fold where they would no doubt continue to receive the treatment befitting that of any of our incarcerated, something sure to please any self-respecting leftist. The beauty of it is the fact that if an escape did occur, the escapees would freeze forty feet from the walls of the prison.

Drawbacks and - forgive me - snags, would include protestations from the anti-Sarah Palin crowd who would certainly bemoan any new construction project for Alaska and most definitely take umbrage to these poor souls having to be wards of the governor of that state. She certainly can't see Syria from her house, and I'd lay odds that she's never eaten camel.

Nevertheless, that is my suggestion, and I'm sticking to it.

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