Friday, June 27, 2008

We'll Be Martians

Now that we can grow asparagus on Mars, and now that we know that there is more ice on the Martian North Pole than there will be on Earth's this summer, I just know that we'll be colonizing in short order. Now is the time to begin planning, but there is a snag. Since we can't find any smart politicians here on Earth, the colonists will be hard pressed to forge a Martian Constitution. Before we even begin, it is imperative that we get it right. After all, it will be a brand new start, and we must avoid the same mistakes that have made our original planet nearly uninhabitable.

The asparagus is a good start. It's healthy and will grow in abundance in the Martian soil. Turnips are another favorite of Martian soil, so we now have variety all laid out for us. My position is that the very first article of the new Constitution should ensure that there will be no such thing as a McMartian Burger. Fast food joints are out! The peripheral benefit of this is that it will also preclude the need for cars, so we have little chance of jeopardizing the newly discovered ice.

We'll also be like superpeople on Mars, because the gravity is only 38% of ours. Right from the start we'll all be svelte, what with only weighing 38% of what we weigh here, it stands to reason that we should strive to keep it that way. Even the most rotund among the colonists will be pleased with the instant weight loss. They can even lie to those they correspond with back here on Earth, without really lying!

"Hey Joan, we made it to Mars, and I lost 186 pounds on the trip! I'm down to 114 lbs.!:)". Joan will wish she had volunteered, even if she hates turnip.

I plan on being first aboard that maiden voyage, even if I will be somehow related de facto to Dennis Kucinich. Once I'm up there, he won't be able to hurt me anymore, anyway. One thing I will miss is Eddie Rabbit's I Love A Rainy Night, but how can I expect such a utopia without a small measure of sacrifice?

So, to those I will leave long and prosper.


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