Saturday, August 2, 2008

The Reason For The Season

Here we are, in the heart of hurricane season. It's one of my favorite times of the year, conjuring memories of hiding in the basement as a lad, watching Fluffy fly through the air because we forgot to bring her in...ah, to go back to such simpler times. I hope you have all decorated your homes with the appropriate seasonal decorations. It makes the neighborhood so festive for the kiddies. And for the love of God, I hope you used eco-friendly bulbs this year!

I love the theme shows that come with the season, too, because they're not as predictable as say, Christmas Specials, which you can look up in the TV Guide and actually plan your day around. No, Hurricane Specials are more fun because you never know when they're going to pop up on your screen! Spontaneity, that's the spice of life. Not knowing when a special will appear is almost as much fun as waiting for your favorite song to play on the radio.

I know I watch more TV during Hurricane Season because of the uncertainty. My TV is happier, too. When it's out of season, I spend more time on my computer and I get silly error messages all the time:

Just the other day, I was watching a thrill-packed episode of Iron Lung Chef when the show was interrupted by a Special. At first it was a still screen with the station's logo and a voice over telling me that they were sorry to break into my favorite show. (I forgave them because they had no way of knowing that my favorite show is actually '70's reruns of Curio and Hutch, a show about two really cool guys who make the most beautiful furniture). As the still screen faded, I felt the tingle of excitement; the Special was starting!

And there was the star of the Special, a horizontal reporter in a soaked, bright yellow slicker, clinging precariously to a palm tree with one hand and holding the microphone with the other. (I always wondered what the camera guy was holding onto). Speaking to the Anchor back in studio, "Ernie, this is one of the worst you've ever sent me out into! Thanks a lot, pal!"
"Bob, what can you tell us from the scene?"
"Well Ernie, the winds have picked up to 800 miles per hour and the seas are battering the shore. Experts are telling me that Global Warming is to blame."

Ah, a villain! This was going to be one of the best Specials yet. As he continued his tortured report, he told of the conflicts between scientists who have been debating the problem eloquently for a few years.
Scientist 1: "Global Warming will increase the number of hurricanes."
Scientist 2: "Global Warming will decrease the number of hurricanes."
Scientist 1: "Increase!"
Scientist 2: "DECREASE!"

While this was going on, I reluctantly broke away from my lonely TV for the computer. I wanted to see if I could find out for myself what the real deal was. I began scouring the internet for documented proof one way or the other, when another error message popped up on my screen:

Frustrated, I turned off my TV and went out to mow the lawn with my eco-friendly scissors.


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