Thursday, April 1, 2010

A Day Filled With Sunshine

On a brilliant and radiant early Spring day in the Capitol, a beaming President Barack Obama waded into a jubilant throng of Tea Party participants who had gathered to cheer for the man they had formed to oppose. To the chagrin of the Secret Service agents charged with the safety of the Commander in Chief, Barack H. Obama was elbow-to-elbow in a sea of ecstatic citizens who waved signs and placards praising him, never once doubting the intentions of his newly adoring fans.

Television coverage was universal as an historic day unfolded, with Fox News as the lead bearing the new Obama station logo in the bottom of the screen crawl. Staffers at the Daily Kos and the Huffington Post traded gushing emails with their giddy counterparts at Newsmax and Front Page. A sense of overwhelming camaraderie and kumbaya swept over the country, and it was good. And crowd size estimates were reported accurately.

Internationally, leaders such as Kim Jong Il and Ahmedinejad vowed everlasting peace with South Korea and Israel, respectively. al Qaeda pledged to fund cloistered nun convents and co-ed classrooms in Tora Bora, and Hamas and Hezbollah teamed to help build hotels in East Jerusalem.

Domestically, Republicans voted in unison for universal health care and Democrats for unlimited oil exploration. PETA declared their unwavering support, and GreenPeace disbanded. (Unsubstantiated reports of Kodiak speed boats hunting whales surfaced, and on Long Island a beachgoer allegedly kicked sand at a mating Piping Plover).

Formerly vitriolic bloggers began posting recipes for tofu and quiche, and recommending the best spas for seaweed wraps and pedicures. Syndicated radio talk shows devoted the entire day to decorating tips and ranting about the expiration date of mauve buntings. At one restaurant in the evening, an intrepid reporter spied the dinner quartet of Bill O'Reilly, Keith Olbermann, Sean Hannity and Senator Al Franken. And Rush Limbaugh committed millions to destitute street beggars across the nation , complete with messenger delivery so that the bums wouldn't have to get up.

In the hour between five and six o'clock Eastern Daylight Time, Robert Gibbs dialed Glenn Beck's red phone, explaining that the President would have called personally, but that he was understandably preoccupied with the healing. Beck uttered a good-natured chuckle, expressed his gratitude and at one point referred to Gibbs as "brother".

All was well once again in America, and the sun began its fiery and magnificent decent into the Western horizon, and the people were relieved and happy. was April 2nd.

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