Friday, June 19, 2009

The Day The Sky Burned

An exercise in dripping sarcasm. (Sorry, God).

Today in the Northeast United States will be a day to remember, as terrified citizens witnessed a phenomenon they were once accustomed to seeing, before the Northeast swapped places with the Northwest. Toddlers cried and the elderly cowered in terror as the omnipresent clouds parted to reveal a giant sphere of fire that singed the skin and burned the eyes.

The young lad in the photo, clad in the only footwear he has ever known - rubber boots to keep his feet and legs dry - was playing in his yard when suddenly the fire from the sky licked at him, startling him so badly that he ran for the safety of his house and mother, screaming. Holding the trembling child, the young mother struggled to remember the name of the fireball, knowing that the answer would help her to calm the traumatized child.

Meanwhile, law enforcement entities were besieged with hysterical 911 calls from bewildered and frightened citizens who described the event in gasping, halting speech. Internet traffic to NASA and NOAA soared, jamming web servers and causing general havoc with Internet service providers. Numerous accidents were reported in more heavily congested areas, as people could not help but to glance Heavenward while driving, struggling to understand what was happening.

Further exacerbating the mass confusion, the clouds would sporadically drift into protection zones blocking the offending orb, only to surrender once again, leaving the people below exposed anew to its terrible glare...

It is late in the day now, and as recollection comes to many who have long forgotten the name of that Heavenly body, it is now sliding toward the other side of the globe, and shall not be seen again for another indeterminate period of time. As some lugubriously equate this spectacle with briefly seeing the ghost of a long lost loved one, others scramble to document the event for future posterity in the event that the Sun comes 'round again.

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